im really trying to forget someone at the minute. my role model. this may sound incredibly stupid, but, believe me i have my explanation :) im not going to write my explanation or bitch about her, because im not like that. and im most definitely NOT going to be mean to her for not caring about me. ill just be nice and let her feel how she feels.
lets just say, ive REALLY noticed how little she cares for me and how often she ignores me? i mean, ive always know it but ive only just started realising how much. i spoke to my best friend, pikachu (aka bumcheek,) and she text me this reaalllyyy long text saying what i should say to 'my role model' and i should try and make her feel bad. she clearly does not understand. if i did that i would just end up apologising and feeling more bad than she would! i have tried it before though.
another person i asked was the person i go to when this person isnt there. she is older than pikachu and understands more. and she first asked why i needed to talk to her, this is because i explained that i didnt want to talk to her but i couldnt help it. but i couldnt think of any reason, i mean i had the little reasons like 'shes awesome,' 'she understands me,' 'shes fun to talk to.' but they arent proper reasons! she then suggested that everytime i want to talk to her, i write down the reasons why i shouldnt. like... 'she doesnt care about what i say, its not going to effect her life' and things like that. i thought this was a really good idea :D
i have also done my research. yes, im THAT sad. and according to my research you need to keep busy so that you have no time to think about them. so i have planned my 5 day week up to 8pm each night, so i can then have a bath, to keep myself distracted from talking to 'her'.
ive just noticed this sounds like shes a right meanie... shes not! shes really nice!! but i guess its more that i know she doesnt want me to talk to her than me not wanting to talk to her. because shes 19 and going off to university this week... im the last thing she wants to be talking to! im actually trying to get her with this 'new' coach at rowing. i actually think he likes her :D hahahahaha. but im not going to tell her how i know that, shhhh. she will probably find someone at university though.
im off out now... before i get tempted to talk to her :(
IMPORTANT UPDATES:
1. i just got back from working out with this fitness trainer. shes training me to get fitter for rowing. TIRED. and she says that im not eating enough or of the right foods which is why im always hungry and feel fat. she has now told me stuff i have to eat, so its all good! shes REALLY good though, if you want her number just let me know :)
2. i had to use a really scary machine in RM today.
3. my lights in my room are FINALLY working. they havent been for months!
4. i got a B+ in my english thinggyy :D so proud of myself. this means that if the writing i did was for a gcse grade i would have got a B+, and im only in ...year 9?
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